How Do You Relate?
By Dr. Gene Clerkin
It has been said that healing is putting right relationships that have somehow come out of balance. Almost every day, I receive calls at the Center for Holistic Health from individuals inquiring about how holistic health can help them move beyond the symptoms they are experiencing. People wonder whether the answer to their problems lies in a particular herb or type of energy work. While it is true that these things may serve as vehicles to enhance the healing process, ultimately, there must be a change in how people perceive relationships – within themselves and with others – for true healing to occur.
I often find unique ways to invoke the concept of relationship in my practice, since it helps individuals understand body dynamics. For example, we can think about the different parts of our bodies as our children. When we don't pay enough attention to our children, or parts, they begin to act out in the form of symptoms. If we treat the symptoms without addressing their cause, that's like telling our children to just shut up. Chances are our children will continue to behave in ways designed to get our attention.
When working with practice participants, my first responsibility is to help them re-establish a connection or relationship with their own body. Please allow me to explain. The pre-frontal lobes, also known as the higher brain, are the most advanced part of the human brain. This area is also the residing place for expressions and perceptions of love, creativity, reason, purpose and self-assessment. Whenever the brain gets overwhelmed with either the content or the amount of information coming in, it will protect itself by disconnecting or shutting itself off from the undesired information.
This mechanism, called frontal lobe check out, is perfectly natural under stressful conditions. However, the overload of information is then stored in the body to be processed at a later time. When we experience extreme or prolonged stress, it becomes difficult for us recover from or even realize that this disconnect is occurring. Ultimately, if we are disconnected and don't have full access to our higher brain, we cannot truly be whole.
I teach people a technique called Somato-Respiratory Integration (SRI) to help them re-establish their connection or relationship to the body. SRI is essentially an exercise in presence directed into the body, since we must be present in order for any relationship to flourish. I'm reminded of a TV commercial in which a woman is trying to speak to her husband. He says, “I'm listening,” but his attention is completely focused on a football game. Likewise, if we direct all of our attention to the conversation in our head, there will be very little left over for the body. The key is to open up the lines of communication.
Just as people in successful, long-lasting relationships don't dwell on the negative in their partners, we must be able to listen to our bodies without judgment and proceed toward healing in an honoring and non-threatening manner. Keep in mind that symptoms are signals that something needs to be explored, and ask yourself, “How open am I to communicating with someone when the first thing s/he does is to establish that I am wrong?”
Given this kind of opposition, you'd most likely not be open to too much communication. Likewise, when working to develop a connection to an area of the body after some neglect it's important not to be too forceful. Only love can conquer hate, as it were, so instead of forcing areas that are stuck, my practice focuses upon enhancing areas that are more at ease. This enables them to exist in relation to, communicate with, and free parts of the body where energy is stuck.
Relationships are powerful tools for discovering greater aspects of the self. When true healing occurs, there is always something gained or learned from the experience even if we are unable or unwilling to see the lessons that are available for us in the moment.
Relationships and healing are also congruent in the area of personal growth since both involve a greater depth of experience. As we gain greater depth in our own healing process, we realize that healing is ultimately all about our relationship with our self and with others. Ultimately, the term holistic health encompasses our relationships to our body, other people, our environment and the whole web of life. Every judgment, action and inaction, attention and intent affects this web of life as well as our own lives.
Ten Keys to the Active Mastery of Life
Unknown Author
Listen to your body's wisdom, which expresses itself though signals of comfort and discomfort. When choosing a certain behaviour, ask your body, “How do you feel about this!” If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress, watch out. If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness proceed.
Live in the present, for it is the only moment you have. Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment. Accept what comes to you totally and completely so that you can appreciate it, learn from it and then let it go. The present is as it should be. It reflects infinite laws of nature that have brought you this exact thought, this exact physical response. This moment is as it is because the universe is as it is. Don't struggle against the infinite schemes of things; instead be at one with it.
Take time to be silent, to meditate, to quiet the internal dialogue. In moments of silence, realize that you are re-contacting your source of pure awareness. Pay attention to your inner life so that you can be guided by intuition rather than externally imposed interpretations of what it or isn't good for you.
Relinquish your need for external approval. You alone are the judge of your self worth, and your goal is to discover infinite worth in yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks. There is great freedom in this realization.
When you find yourself reacting with anger or opposition to any person or circumstance, realize that you are only struggling with yourself. Putting up resistance is the response of defenses created by old hurts. When you relinquish this anger, you will be healing yourself and co-operating with the flow of the universe.
Know that the world “out there” reflects your reality “in here”. The people you react to most strongly, whether love or hate, are projections of your inner world. What you hate the most is what you most deny in yourself. What you love the most is what you most wish for in yourself. Use the mirror of relationships to guide your evolution. The goal is total self-knowledge. When you achieve that, what you most want will automatically be there, and what you most dislike will disappear.
Shed the burden of judgment. You will feel much lighter. Judgment imposes right or wrong on situations that just are. Everything can be understood and forgiven, but when you judge, you cut off understanding and shut down the process of learning to love. In judging others, you reflect your lack of self-acceptance. Remember that every person you forgive adds to your self-love.
Don't contaminate your body with toxins, either food, drink or toxic emotions. Your body is more than a life-support system. It is the vehicle that will carry you on the journey of your evolution. The health of every cell directly contributes to your state of well-being, because every cell is a point of awareness within the field of awareness that is you.
Replace fear-motivated behavior with love-motivated behavior. Fear is the product of memory, which dwells in the past. Remembering what hurt us before, we direct our energies toward making certain that an old hurt will not repeat itself. But trying to impose the past on the present will never wipe out the threat of being hurt. That happens only when you find the security of your own being, which is love. Motivated by the truth inside you, you can face any threat because your inner strength is invulnerable to fear.
Understand that the physical world is just a mirror of a deeper intelligence. Intelligence is the invisible organizer of all matter and energy, and since a portion of this intelligence resides in you, you share in the organizing power of the cosmos. Because you are inseparably linked to everything, you cannot afford to foul the planet's air and water. But at a deeper level, you cannot afford to live with a toxic mind, because every thought makes an impression on the whole field of intelligence. Living in balance and purity is the highest good for you and the earth.